GOOD FORM to Internet dating. The handsome man who took me out for dinner last night was so sweet and cute and nervous, and such a good listener! He gave me his undivided attention throughout the meal, never once interrupting me or checking his phone messages.
          Darlene Fourscoff, Dandenong

POOR FORM to Darlene. Yes, I was nervous, and frankly scared to look away, not because I was interested in your endless story but because you seemed mentally unstable, to put it mildly.
          Donald Rundling, Frankston

GOOD FORM to you, Donald. Don’t be coy my honey bear. I could see you were moved while I was telling you all about what I have been going through lately. I even noticed tears forming in your eyes.
          Darlene Fourscoff, Dandenong

POOR FORM. They were tears of fear, Darlene, and revulsion.
          Donald Rundling, Frankston

GOOD FORM, sweet Donald, good form! There are no secrets between us, my sugar plum, only raw emotion. Remember how you let me swap my meal with yours when I found that I had ordered badly? That was a truly chivalrous gesture, my cherub. I didn’t even have to ask – you were immediately sensitive to my subtle body language.
Darlene Fourscoff, Dandenong

POOR FORM, Darlene. You were lunging at my plate with your fork. This is not so much “body language” as theft. And I wouldn’t say we swapped meals exactly, as you had already devoured yours. In any case I’d lost my appetite by then, as had most of our fellow diners, due to your appalling display of gluttony.
          Donald Rundling, Frankston

GOOD FORM, oh poor, dear Donny. My sweet pumpkin pie. Open your heart and let in the joy! How rare and special to find one’s soulmate! I’ll never forget how excited and anxious you were to leave the restaurant. It was infectious. You had such a spring in your step! My heart fluttered to hear you burst into passionate song as we went dancing wildly into the street.
          Darlene Fourscoff, Dandenong

POOR FORM. I was not singing and dancing, you psycho, I was screaming and running away.
          Donald Rundling, Frankston

GOOD FORM? And when I caught up to you? Our rapturous embrace on the bridge?
         Darlene Fourscoff, Dandenong

POOR FORM. You were biting me. I was trying to throw you into the river.
          Donald Rundling, Frankston

GOOD FORM… But you didn’t throw me, Donald, my little ducky. You must have sensed that I cannot swim. So you jumped in yourself, and let me live. I can still hear you shouting, “I love you, Darlene, my lollypop!” as you floated away in the mist.
          Darlene Fourscoff, Dandenong

POOR FORM. You were too heavy to lift over the railing. And I was shouting “F**k you, Darlene, I’m calling the cops!”
          Donald Rundling, Frankston

From tiffs and turmoil to good blokes and great moments, tell us about the good and bad stuff happening around town in our ‘Good Form / POOR FORM’ column on Facebook!