THIS MONTH: “Things my friends say…a collection of funny and ridiculous conversations!*”
…Don’t judge me, but I have a quote book!
*Names have been replaced with initials to save embarrassment and reduce death threats
A: Bargains, bargains everywhere, I love a good sale.
MW: Yeah me too.
A: You don’t sound too enthused.
MW: Well it’s just annoying, there’s only a size 6 or 16 left. It’s like they tempt you with the prices, and then screw you with the sizes.
MT: “I was cleaning out my car, vacuuming out the boot you know, and when I looked into the spare wheel compartment I found my watch. That beautiful watch I got for my birthday, I have no idea how it got in there, but it reminded me of the rewards in cleaning. Plus, I found a half eaten Freddo in the back seat, it was melted but dayum…still tasty.”
C: God I ate so much
A: Well that’s what a degustation of 12 courses will do to you
C: (gets up and starts a bending-squat with a moan)
A: You okay?
C: Yeah just digesting
A: I didn’t know that movement helped with digestion
C: Well I have a food baby, so if it helps women in labor it should help me with this.
K: How do I look?
TF: (mutual frenemy, aka part time friend, sometimes a real Beotch): Don’t you think it’s a little short?
K: Can’t see my cooker, should be all right.
TF: What about your dignity, don’t you worry about that?
K: No, not really. I have a Bachelor in Biomed and I’m studying a Masters in Medicine, one day I’ll save lives. I have enough dignity to last me two life times.
AM: Well as they say, varietal wine is the spice of life
C: I’m pretty sure they say ‘variety is the spice of life’
AM: Well clearly they’ve never tried a Tempranillo
L: You know what I’ve just realized about this movie? If you take the f word out, it would be a silent film.
In regards to Game of Thrones…
AM: Excuse me but why do the men always get the swords; she’s standing right there. Women have far more experience with long pointy things.
My friend as I get into her car…
MH: We meet again young Rabi
A: I’m sorry, what?
MH: We meet again young Rabi
A: You mean Jedi don’t you?
MW: They asked in my Philosophy tute today about whether we were a half glass full or half empty kind of person. It was cliché but kind of interesting.
A: What are you? Are you a half empty or half full kind of gal?
MW: I said I didn’t care whether the glass was half full or empty as long as it had wine in it.
L: Do you ever think about going back to England.
A: Oh Lord no, I’m too tanned, I doubt they’d let me back in.
L: You’re like the whitest person I know.
A: Perhaps, but you’ve never seen an English person have you?
Alexis Collier writes monthly for PEARL on whatever springs to mind really. If you’ve got any feedback about any of her columns, drop us a line on Facebook at www.facebook.com/pearlmagazine.
ALEXIS COLLIER